yr favorite disaster

To Amanda:

2003-01-17T23:01:29Z

DEAR AMANDA:

WHAT THE FUCK.

CAN YOU NOT KEEP ANYTHING TO YOURSELF? You know, you fucking WONDER why I don't FUCKING trust anybody. CASE IN POINT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

Don't even fucking BOTHER to call me. Just go the FUCK away.

and i want you to know, that you'll always get yr way.

2003-01-17T19:10:56Z

i think i just realized that my life is just one big pile of trash. i can't ever measure up to what people want me to be - hell, I can't even measure up to what I want me to be. it's all just so frustrating and I really can't do anything about it.
and i'm so angry when people ignore me. and exclude me. yet at the same time i want to be by myself all the time. maybe it's just the thought that counts. except i never get the thought.

I just wish the weather didn't compliment my mood so well.

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-17T13:57:00

2003-01-17T18:57:47Z

mayoral candidates came today.
bob buckhorn is so full of SHIT that it makes me hurt.

vote for frank sanchez.

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-16T22:22:00

2003-01-17T03:22:28Z

i'm so tired.

i'm really trying to be supportive, and a good friend to everyone, and a good girlfriend to two different people, and i think it's finally taking its toll.

i just feel so weary.

for as long as i can remember, i've wanted to be a gangstah.

2003-01-17T01:02:09Z

so today was boring :\

it's nice that the writer's block is gone, i'm actually writing good poetry lately. not the shit like before, it's actually kinda okay.

waa, waa, waa. my birthday's in 3 days.

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-15T23:32:00

2003-01-16T04:33:28Z

hehe. i think it's funny that sigùr røs has his own language. it's supposed to be his own mixed with swedish, though. weiiird.

that guy's too cool for me.

if i could talk to myself, like i was someone else, well then maybe i could take yr advice.

2003-01-16T03:52:05Z

i want someone to hold me.

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-15T22:15:00

2003-01-16T03:15:22Z

hahahaha.

HAHAHAHAA.

wow. laughing wildly riiiiight about ... NOW?!

mercy! expect a rivalry.

2003-01-16T02:37:25Z

i thought i'd do one of these just because they're fuckin fun like that. i chose ani difranco.

.01 Are you male or female?:
i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world - "joyful girl"

.02 Describe yourself:
i am not a pretty girl
that is not what i do
i ain't no damsel in distress
and i don't need to be rescued - "not a pretty girl"

.03 How do some people feel about you?:
there's always someone on hand
to hate me for standing there
i always feel i have to open my mouth
and every time i do
i offend someone
somewhere - "what if no one's watching"

.04 How do you feel about yourself?:
you know i live in a world full of hope
not a world full of hype
i ain't no saint
i help myself to what i need
but i help other people too
y'know i sleep soundly - "egos like hairdos"

.05 Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest:
i'm okay
if you get me at a good angle
and you're okay
in the right sort of light
and we don't look
like pages from a magazine
but that's all right
that's all right - "imperfectly"

.06 Where would you rather be?:
alone in the city
infested with faces
immune to new friendships
interested in places she's never seen - "pale purple"

.07 Describe where you live:
my country tis of thee
to take swings at each other on talk show tv
why don't you just go ahead and turn off the sun
'cause we'll never live long enough to
undo everything they've done to you - "tis of thee"

.08 Describe how you live:
when i need to wipe my face
i use the back of my hand
and i like to take up space
just because i can
and i use my dress
to wipe up my drink
i care less and less
what people think - "dilate"

.09 Describe how you love:
give me your vertical
your horizontal line
i want to take each of them
bend them to fit mine
the world is too good for me
i am such a naughty girl
but when we're together
we're too good for this world - "worthy"

.10 Share a few words of wisdom:
if you're not angry
you're just stupid
or you don't care
how else can you react
when you know
something's so unfair
the men of the hour
can kill half the world in war
make them slaves to a super power
and let them die poor - "out of range"

fuckin' ignore if you want to. I don't care. I lj-cut it, so get over it.

I'm in heaven ... simply heaven ... and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak.

2003-01-16T00:17:40Z

so, you care, and that's why all zee grades shall be posted.

Intermediate Theatre - B+
Emily, you're a very perceptive person, but that doesn't always translate into yr performance work. Work to stay focused and commit fully. Make active choices and don't play it safe!

English 9 - C+
Emily, I would love to see a little bit more effort on your part. You have a great attitude, but consistency in preparing for class and having assignments finished would definitely raise your average!

French 2 - B+
Cecile is doing very good work in French this year. She really seems to enjoy her increasing powers of expression and her time in class. Her sense of humor and whimsy [[emily's note: did he just say whimsy?]] are welcome, making this class enjoyable to teach. Merci, Emily!

World History I - C+
Emily, you are a joy to have in the class. You are interested in the subject and it shows. Keep up the good work in the spring.

Algebra I - C-
I don't understand why Emily had a pre-exam grade in the D range. In class, she did quite well, answering questions that I put on the board. When Emily did come in and practice the problems, she succeeded. Emily can be a B student, but she must put in time on a nightly basis. Emily's four test scores this semester were C-, B, F, and C. I was happy to see that she did review for the final. Putting all the concepts together for one test is hard, but Emily was able to achieve this.

Biology - C+
Emily, is has been a pleasure having you in biology this semester. You worked hard on the topics that you liked, but a more consistent effort would help with your overall understanding of the material. Keep up the good work on a consistent basis next semester.

shabang.

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-15T18:47:00

2003-01-15T23:49:26Z

talked to the sophomore today. i may be yanking this thing way out of proportion, but am I out of line when I think it's COURTEOUS and SOCIALLY ACCEPTED in some cultures to say THANK YOU after someone does something for you?!

grr. i'm so over it.

i feel so incredibly sick right now. iiiiick.

is it worth it? let me work it.

2003-01-14T03:49:09Z

*

i was just outside. and i really like florida. i mean, middle of january and it's only fifty degrees. it's perfect. just a tiny bit drizzly and chilly and breezy. it's so nice.

for all in the know.

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-13T17:09:00

2003-01-13T22:12:59Z

my computer is being so.slow.

anyway so my sophomore was in perfect view at lunch <333 he's so cute.

and ... we had this guy come in our theatre class and talk about performance. he ... was creepy. O_O

anyway so. i feel a little growchy today, nothing more than usual, however. i feel like making a glittery orange tulle skirt.

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-13T06:49:00

2003-01-13T11:49:21Z

note to self: never drink gatorade on an empty stomach at 6:45 in the morning ...

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-12T22:34:00

2003-01-13T03:35:26Z

so YES my dad won't be home all week next week!!!!

listen to me, I'm terrible. Oh well.

I've almost got my mom convinced to buy me a ticket to Chicago for spring break for my birthday.

exactly one week. bitchez.

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-12T21:27:00

2003-01-13T02:28:00Z

Caleb [8:17 PM]: emily, you looked really pretty today, i can't remember if i told you or not but you did

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-12T20:09:00

2003-01-13T01:13:40Z

Caleb [7:19 PM]: what if i started chanting "Emily likes Dreeeewww!" ?
Caleb [7:19 PM]: would you kill me?
me [7:19 PM]: no I'd just be confused, lol.
Caleb [7:20 PM]: sure you would, ;-)
Caleb [7:20 PM]: ok i'm stopping
me [7:20 PM]: psh yeah whatevuh. lol. i have a crush on everyone.
Caleb [7:20 PM]: i just felt impish and incorrigible
Caleb [7:20 PM]: yeah, you really do
me [7:21 PM]: :)
me [7:21 PM]: it's part of my mystique ... or something
Caleb [7:21 PM]: i'm getting you a leash for your birthday
me [7:21 PM]: whaaat?
Caleb [7:22 PM]: to keep you from getting loose and screwing everyone in sight

*winces*

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-12T19:10:00

2003-01-13T00:39:01Z

speaking of LJ cuts, certain members of my friends list need to figure out HOW TO USE THEM. no offense or anything, I like reading them. but ... I don't like scrolling through them when they're like, news articles that I'm not interested in.

[my name is]: l'emily.

[in the morning i am]: incoherent. growchy. sleepy.
[all i need is]: my naptime :)
[love is]: just another emotion. what's love got to do with it, anyway?
[im afraid of]: spiders, heights, squirmy things, dark alleyways, loud sudden noises, eating in front of strangers, and many other things
[i dream about]: sex. hahahhhh.

-H A V E .Y O U. E V E R . .
[pictured your crush naked?]: yes.
[actually seen your crush naked]: no.
[been in love]: hm.
[cried when someone died]: yes.
[lied]: yes.

-W H I C H . I S . B E T T E R-
[coke or pepsi]: i like 'em both.
[flowers or candy]: paper flowers.
[tall or short]: both are beautiful.

-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: eyes. hair.
[last person u slow danced with]: caleb :\

-W H O-
[makes you laugh the most?]: sammie, caleb, drew
[makes you smile]: amanda
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them]: drew. sean. caleb.
[do you have a crush on?]: all of the above :S
[has a crush on you?]: nobody.
[easiest to talk to]: i don't know. amanda, probably. but ... i don't like opening up a whole lot.

-D O. Y O U .E V E R-
[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. you?]: eh. sometimes x_x
[save aol/aim conversations]: yessss. FUCK YOU JADE, lol, I'll post them if I want.
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex]: sometimes. boys have it infinitely easier.
[cried because of someone saying something to you]: a few times.

-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: yes :]
[been rejected]: yes.
[rejected someone]: sort of.
[used someone]: tried not to.
[been cheated on]: i wouldn't know.
[done something you regret]: everyone has.

-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: caleb.
[hugged]: i got hugged by drew from behind :x
[you instant messaged]: drew.
[you laughed with]: my mom.

-D O .Y O U-
[color your hair]: no.
[ever get off the damn computer]: nope. hah.
[habla espanol]: uh, no? je parle francais.

-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[smoke cigarettes]: no.
[obsessive]: very.
[could you live without the computer?]: eh, probably not.
[how many peeps are on your buddylist?]: 166.
[what's your favorite food?]: peanut butter, I guess.
[whats your favorite fruit?]: apple.
[drink alcohol?]: no
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: yes
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: emotional.
[trust others way too easily?]: not anymore.

-N U M B E R-
[of times i have had my heart broken? ]: mm.
[of hearts i have broken?]: i don't know. at least one :\
[of continents i have lived in?]: one.
[of drugs taken illegally?]: none
[of tight friends?]: i don't know. 1. i guess.
[of cd's that i own?]: a lot.
[of scars on my body?]: ...
[of things in my past that i regret?]: i'm trying not to think about the past and to focus on the future.

I KNOW: up to the second level of french.
I WANT: peace.
I HAVE: an apple core.
I WISH: i knew the future.
I HATE: copycats and liars.
I MISS: sean.
I FEAR: see the question way up ^ there.
I HEAR: simpsons. my sister's boyfriend talking to me about onions.
I SEARCH: for treasure.
I REGRET: nothing.
I LOVE: glitter, glam, and francesca lia.
I ACHE: because i'm tyred.
I CARE: too much.
I ALWAYS: sleep.
I DANCE: like a whyte grrrl :\
I CRY: not at all.
I DO NOT ALWAYS: get what i want.
I WRITE: even though I suck.
I WIN: you over.
I CONFUSE: myself :\
I LISTEN: to good music.
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: in my room.
I NEED: you.
I AM HAPPY ABOUT: tunafish sandwiches.
I SHOULD: not be so lazy. be decisive. not be in love with everyone.

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-12T14:57:00

2003-01-12T19:59:24Z

which francesca lia block girl are you?

(quiz created by shelle)</p>

<3
you don't understand how much i love francesca lia books. it makes me want to be perfect and glittery and færie-like. i'm ¾ the way through I Was a Teenage Fairy.

I'm going to redo my room today. Or at least attempt to with $25. hahahaaaa.

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-12T14:51:00

2003-01-12T19:52:39Z

psh. i'm in a rather grouchy mood, which i shouldn't be because i had a good night last night.

and a good morning, though i talked to drew the whole time and i think i kinda ignored caleb a little bit. :P anyway so drew kept making all these references? and i was like "OHMYGOD i want to make out with you" but of course, I didn't. it was nice that he was flirting around though.

anyway so emily is very very boycrazy.

jade's a horse riding poseur.

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-11T13:08:00

2003-01-11T18:08:46Z

eumph.

so it was nice that i feel better after i rode.

but ... asdlgjas;dlgkja;lskdgj;sadlgjsdl.......

like a story told by the fault lines in the soil.

2003-01-11T04:25:09Z

um so my week's been eventful.

i hate my mood swings. i'm just ... really irrationally angry at everyone right now.

sorry. :|'

more later, maybe.

it's a job, pays a lot, is it disservicing someone?

2003-01-08T23:44:44Z

it was a good day today.

emily has good grades.

well, good is stretching it. but no d's or f's.

spearmint_kid @ 2003-01-07T20:16:00

2003-01-08T01:16:31Z

Now and then it seems worse than it is, but mostly the view is accurate. You see your breath in
the air while you climb up the stairs to that coffin you call your apartment. And you sink in your
chair, brush the snow from your hair and drink the cold away. You are not really sure what you
are doing this for but you need something to fill up the days. A few more hours. There is a
dream in my brain that just won't go away. It has been stuck there since it came a few nights
ago I'm standing on a bridge in the town where I lived as a kid with my mom and my brothers.
And then the bridge disappears and I'm standing on air with nothing holding me. And I hang like
a star, fucking glow in the dark, for all those staring eyes to see, like the ones we've wished on.
But now I'm confused. Is this death really you? Do these dreams have any meaning? No. No, I
think it is more like a ghost that has been following us both. Something vague that we are not
seeing, something more like a feeling.

We listen to the radio to hear what’s cookin', but the music ain't got no soul.

2003-01-08T00:39:20Z

*smacks forehead*
WHY, WHY, WHY is Avril nominated for THREE Grammys?!?!?!

At least Clinic got one nomination.

Grrrrr. I hate the Grammys.